When I was young my mom used to prepare me good food and make me a hot bath whenever I was sick. Now, as I’m not as young and mom gone, dad’s way of taking care of sick me was to buy me 1 month supply of medicine and bring me shopping. Either way both made me feel better.
Being sick and not able to do regular things can be depressing. Especially you have nothing to do but stay in bed.
Enough of feeling helpless and let the sunshine in!
No more drama
Its because when you are in pain you become angry at the people closest to you for not feeling the same pain. They can not exactly feel what you are going through. And will not because you do not share the same body and soul. In absolute reality there is nothing that they can do. Being sick is a personal struggle that one has to endure alone.
However, emotional support from the peolpe closest to you is crucial to keep the spirit alive and hopeful to live.
Its because i need someone whom I feel safe to grow old with.
Not just someone to have fun and abandons me at my weakest.
I’ve been reading a lot of self love, self care, self respect. But its too much about self. What happened about compasdion, helping others, caring for others, respecting others.
I’ve been feeling alone and depressed lately. Fear of growing old alone. Fear of being committed to a guy who is not commited to me. Fear of making the same mistakes.
Until yesterday my body gave up on the stress I was putting myself into thus got sick. Eventually I got more depressed and felt more sick realizing that nobody is taking care of me.
I was calling my boyfriend hoping for emotional support. But no answer. Maybe he was busy drinking with his clients or flirting with the special massage girls. More than two years together he still does not know exactly where I live.
I went home to my dad’s house. As the person he is who do not know to care of sick people dad decided to get sick the same time as I was already. I went to hospital. Fell in line and waited for hours for hospital process. Waited again for the doctor. Went back to the hospital. Fell in line and waited for hospital process (3 more times). And waited again (3 more times) for the examinations. Went home. Go out again to buy my medicine.
Yeah at this time I have no choice but to take care of myself. But it could be much better if someone is concerned to take care of me when Im too weak to care for myself.
Adults are supposed to develop compassion. The maturity of caring for others. Realized that I should be with someone who can take care of me at weakest point and not just stay with me during fun moments.
Today I had my first complete breast care examination.
Since my grandmother died of breast cancer 23 years ago I have been paranoid on getting terminal illness. It was a time that the whole family were giving so much time to take care of my grandmother and during that time I did not fully understand why.
Breast cancer took my grandmother away.
Breast cancer took my mother away.
I have fear of going thru the same as they did.
Today my fears were calmed. I had my first breast care examination.
Mammogram was not really as painful as I thought. I was imagining it as more painful. Actually it was tolerable.
Actually thank God for mammogram.
Because if the examination would only be based on the breast sonogram and elastosy (?). I would have been masectomized leaving me with me nothing.
What they saw was benign.
Which I think is good.
Actually I still need to see a doctor tomorrow to know the whole story and be officially cleared.
But hey its benign and it sounds ok for me.